Even with someone we love sex is often something we would rather not openly dissect.ĭenise explains the problem with talking about sensitive issues is we tend to "avoid hurting the other person so much we don't pay attention to the hurt we are causing ourselves." To communicate effectively try to be as explicit as possible about the specific things you need or don't want and avoid talking in clichés or indirectly. Firstly though, do talk it outĪlthough arguing about sex is commonplace, "it is very uncommon for couples to be able to discuss it rationally," Denise says. We spoke to Denise Knowles, a relationship and sex therapist at Relate, who outlined some ways of dealing with mismatched sex drives that are more practical than just 'learning to communicate' and less severe than ending it for good. There's no need to feel guilt or shame about having a different sex drive to the person you're with, we all have very different libidos which are constantly fluctuating, so it is only natural that a lot of relationships will end up with conflicting sexual desires.
This might mean feeling rejected because you feel you're always the one trying to get something going, or inadequate because you don't feel you can fulfil the needs of your partner. That's easier said than done when it comes to being open about your desires if you feel they aren't the same as your partner. If communication if the key to a good relationship, then surely it is also the shortcut to a fulfilling sex life within said relationship?
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